How To Do Things Alone + Become Your Own BFF

One of the world’s coolest super powers is having the ability to do things alone. So many people are codependent and cannot try the things they want unless someone else joins them. How sad is that! That someone might not do what they want, what they dream of, because they are too scared to do it alone. Personally, that is scary to me! Having the confidence to do whatever you want, whenever you want, and essentially be your own BFF, is the coolest trait that a person can have. In this post, we’ll go over how to do things alone and romanticize your life to its fullest!

Explore your own hobbies

The easiest way to do things alone is by doing things that you love often! Take a second to look at the hobbies you have and do regularly now. These are things that make you happy/feel good but don’t earn you money. If you are thinking, huh I only have a few or not really any, here are a few questions to ask yourself: 

Prompt One: What did you love doing as a kid? Can you start doing that again?

For me, this was pottery. I LOVED art class as a kid, but slowly stopped doing it through high school and into college. After I graduated and had a little too much time in my hometown and found a studio to take pottery wheel classes at. While the first three classes definitely had a learning curve, after that I was obsessed! I love searching up new pieces I can make (right now I’m making a tumbler cup) and glaze combinations to make the most beautiful colors. 

I also played softball for YEARS of my life, so I’m interested in joining an adult league one day. Also, I was obsessed with rocks and crystals as a kid, so I’ve gotten back into collecting and learning more about those.

Prompt Two: What’s something you’ve always wanted to try? Then go find a class and do it!

Something I always wished I did when I was younger was dance classes. I thought it was more than just a skill – it impacted your posture, the way you carry yourself, and how cool people think you look on the dance floor. I lived in Ibiza the past year and wanted to look like I knew what I was doing, dancewise, at some of the sickest clubs in the world. So the summer before, I went and signed up for intro hip hop classes in NYC. While it was much more fast paced than I realized and it didn’t make me the dancer of my dreams, I felt like I could feel the rhythm more. I had a few go to moves that I could use when at the club in Ibiza!

Find at least one active hobby and one non active one to focus on when getting started. That way, you are doing something good for your body and another good thing for your mind! For me, I LOVE going on long walks. I’ll listen to a podcast for half and to music I enjoy for the other. Apparently if you go on a long enough walk, you can get the same symptoms as runners high! For my non active hobbies, I do my pottery classes, write posts on this blog, do photography, and am teaching myself Italian. Building up your hobby repertoire will make you a much more interesting person and give you things you enjoy doing of your own accord. 

Enjoying your own thoughts and brain

A big reason why some people don’t like alone or quiet time is because they don’t like the thoughts they hear when there is nothing to block them out or distract them! You are the ONE person you will always have for the rest of your life. Why not have that person be one that you like? Your thoughts are not you, but the way you talk about yourself and others mirrored back to you. If you don’t like what’s being said – change them! Change the way you talk to yourself about yourself. Many people are kind to others, but not even half as many are that kind to themself. Talk nicely about yourself and to yourself. Make it a habit. Make it normal. Once you create this new habit, it will reflect back in your thoughts. 

Another way to enjoy your own thoughts and brain is to practice mindfulness. Simply put, mindfulness is the practice of thinking about your thinking – what you hopefully did a second ago to define how you talk to yourself. Many people combine mindfulness and meditation to be the same thing, but they aren’t! 

Meditation

Meditation is a type of mindfulness, and is defined as: the skill of focusing on being present. This does not mean that you can’t have any thoughts in your head or you fail. It’s about being aware of your surroundings, of what you are feeling right then and there. Once you are really good at meditating, you’ll be able to calm your mind and free yourself from out of control thoughts. It’s a really cool feeling, but something that takes a lot of practice. Meditation has a TON of benefits. Even if you don’t think it’s your thing, doing one 5 or 10 minute exercise a week can have a significant impact.

I would recommend at least trying to meditate a few times! It’s really a life changing skill to build if you have the urge to grow into the best version of yourself. But remember, there are other forms of mindfulness that will also help you like living in your head more. Have you ever been doing something and got SO in the zone that you didn’t realize how much time went by? Then you’ve been in the flow state before! That state is very similar to meditating, and has similar benefits. You can do a coloring book, yoga, go for a walk, or anything that will get you into a “flow state.” 

Whether you prefer meditation, a different mindfulness practice or getting into your own flow state, regardless of which, it will help you become more comfortable in your own head. If you don’t have one that you do currently, make it a goal to pick one and start practicing.

Building Confidence

Confidence is a HUGE part of how to do things alone. It’s not that you need to have a ton of it at first, just enough to get you started. A little goes a long way. You need just enough to book and go through with your first solo activity. 

After completing a few solo activities, it becomes almost addicting! Obviously, sometimes there are setbacks or challenges. Your phone is dying and you aren’t sure where you are, you don’t know how to use the local public transportation, or you have no service or wifi and you are trying to navigate home (these are my travel problems and may certainly NOT be the ones that you encounter). When you are solo, there are problems that will arise and you’ll only have yourself to decide what to do.

As you solo solve more and more challenges, that’s when things start to change. There’s this relieving excitement that you can truly do anything you want. That there is nothing that can hold you back. After experiencing that, there’s a great burst of pride and unbridled confidence. I love how this confidence is built solely on your decision making. When you trust yourself to make the right choice, you can be completely comfortable and confident being in your own body.

Have goals for yourself

When you set goals for yourself, you are essentially creating your purpose. While this may be not your “true purpose” in life, which is not an easy thing to figure out, but a short term purpose to focus on and guide you throughout a period of time. You can create goals by being very clear and honest with yourself on what you are happy about in your life currently and what you would like to add.

You can ask yourself questions like these:

Picture what the most perfect ideal version of yourself would look. What’s their vibe? What do the look like physically; what do they feel like? What type of clothes would they wear or food do they eat. How do they make their money? What do their daily habits look like? Do they live where you live now, or elsewhere?

• What have you always wanted to do but never had the courage for?

• What do you wish you had more time for in your life?

• What makes you happy? 

• When are you at your best self?

• What are words or quotes that keep you motivated?

Once you can clearly envision that goal version of yourself, you can create concrete goals that will take you closer to them. Does this version of you make more money? Start looking for side hustles or potentially a new and more fulfilling job. How do they look? Do you want to work out more and build muscle or dye your hair a new color? Examine that ideal you and see what gaps you can start to close the distance between you currently and them.

You also can look more short term if that works better for you. At the beginning of a new season you can ask yourself what you want to embrace and try out for the coming months. Do you want to spend more time hiking or relaxing at cafes with a book this fall? Perhaps you want to try a new outdoor sport or try light therapy this winter? Think about the most exciting parts of the season and how you can create the most exciting activities and experience for yourself. I created a guide to romanticizing your autumn recently if you are also about to enter fall as well.

Vision Boards

A great way to stay motivated towards stepping into this “goal version of you” is to create a vision board. Vision boards are a collection of pictures that represent your goals. Lots of people have preferences of whether they are made physically with printed photos, online on Canva, etc. As long as it is placed somewhere you can see it often, ex: your laptop wallpaper or hanging in your room, it will have the same effect.  Here is some vision board inspiration.

Plan activities that match your goals and romanticize your life

My motto is that life should never be boring, ever! It’s up to you to bring the interesting-ness in whether that’s through your personality, your spontaneity, the activities you do, the events you go to, or all of the above. I love to think of how to make the most of each season and what it has to offer; I wrote a post recently about how to romanticize your fall 2024 if you want to check it out and see what I mean. Planning a mix of activities in advance that either meet my goals, motivate me, or make me excited always gives me something to look forward to. 

For me this fall, that’s handwriting cards to my long distance friends, going on a hike(s) when the leaves start changing colors, baking something apple related, and doing a corn maze. My goal related activities are incorporating more weights into my workouts + eating more protein, learning more Italian, and finding a job making over 60k. I graduated from college in May of 2023, did a gap year traveling, and am now entering the corporate world + trying to pay off my student loans (yikes)!

Bits to do while solo

A big part of how to do things alone, to me, is by being entertaining to yourself. For instance, I love to go into a restaurant and pretend to be a food critic. I’ll bring a journal and take notes on everything, the service, the meal selection, the price point, anything you can think of. Or if I’m not in the mood to do that, I’ll try to be reflective and write about every little detail of my day.

I also love to take my camera everywhere I go and try to get at least one great photo. Or if I have a trip I’ll plan the ideal pictures that I want to add to my feed, then run around pretending to be a professional photographer trying to capture it. You can borrow any of my bits if they inspire you, or simply take note of things and hobbies you like to create your own!

How to do things alone, in practice:

As you do more and more things alone, you’ll begin to truly enjoy your own company and be able to call yourself your own BFF! If you now understand how to do things alone and aren’t sure what to plan, here are some ideas of activities you should plan to spend some time with yourself. 

Remember, you are the one person you will have or be with every second of your life. Make sure you are someone that you like and enjoy being with!

Beginner Solo Activities:

• go to a cafe solo: read a book, do work on your computer, bring a coloring book, journal

• go to a museum

• sit at the beach

• spend time at the library

Intermediate Solo Activities

• go on a day trip alone to a nearby town or city

• sign up for a new class alone (sewing, tennis, pottery, dance, golf, etc)

Advanced Solo Activities

• going to a party or social event alone

• go on a solo trip to a new city or country you want to visit

• move to a new city where you don’t know anyone

none of the photos in this post are mine. all credit to their original owners